


open and honest and goddamn blessed

by mamawerewolf



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coworkers AU, Eddie/Iris but it doesn't last till the end, Getting Together, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9447743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamawerewolf/pseuds/mamawerewolf
Summary: Kendra is convinced that her life was meant for more. Iris is convinced her family is keeping secrets from her. Cisco is convinced that God is ganging up on him with all of the terrifying, beautiful women that he managed to be friends with.AKA the one where kendra moves to CC a year earlier and works alongside iris





	1. opening and closing

**Author's Note:**

> the rating on this fic is tentative bc its not finished yet! i have another chapter finished and will be working on the chapters after that soon.
> 
> eddie and iris is pretty minor, and they will be breaking up before the fic is over! this will not be canon-compliant in that WA won't happen and kendra is in CC a lot earlier.
> 
> this was basically written bc i was salty about the lack of development with my faves... enjoy

CC Jitters opened its doors at 5 A.M. every morning. Every morning, a little old woman named Jane stood outside until they unlocked their doors, waving at the employees inside as they prepared for the day. Most waved back. They liked to think of her as another part of opening. Turn on all the machinery, check expiration dates on milk, set out mats so no one slipped, wave to Ms. Jane, stock cups and lids, and on and on. Music sang out from tinny iPhone speakers, though the genre depended on the day and who was the opener.

That day, it was Kendra Saunders, light brown hair pulled up tight in a bun, dancing to ABBA as she rearranged syrup bottles and put on the first batch of drip. Her coworker Iris West slid behind her, arms laden with several boxes of creamer and stirring sticks.

“Ooo, Janey’s wearing the purple velvet shoes today,” Iris commented, laughing and winking out the glass door at the old woman, who smiled and waved. “Someone’s feeling adventurous today.”

Kendra checked. Sure enough, barely visible over the metal of the bottom of the door were deep purple shoes that covered the woman’s ankles, matched with yoga pants and a green sweater.

“You’ll have to ask her about her plans for the day,” she said, turning back and closing up the coffee container, taking the handle and putting it out front on the little counter. “Maybe she’s got a hot date.”

Iris “ooo’d” at the prospect.

Kendra’s favorite shifts were the ones she shared with Iris. Iris was a year older than her, beautiful and funny and clever. Iris loved telling stories and wanted to be a journalist. For now, she ran a “conspiracy blog”, as another coworker had dubbed it, about the superhero Iris dubbed ‘the Streak’.

“Anything new on the Streak front?”

Iris sighed. “Nothing concrete. Is it weird that he’s seeking me out, though? I told you about that, right?”

She had in fact told Kendra about that. About four times.

“I mean, it’s flattering, and I _was_ the first blog made dedicated to him and other weird super stuff, but I haven’t heard of anyone else getting visited by him or getting interviews.” Iris finished unloading the boxes and turned around to lean against the counter. “I don’t know why he picked me.”

Kendra hummed. “Maybe he just likes you. I mean, who wouldn’t?”

Iris rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean, K. It’s a little weird.”

“Yeah, it is. That hasn’t stopped you from bringing him here and talking in the middle of the night. Look, if he gives you a bad vibe, stop, but otherwise just be smart. This guy’s in a mask, and if no one knows when you’re meeting with him you could be whisked away to his lair or whatever.”

Smiling, Iris came over and rested her face against Kendra’s shoulder. “You’re right.”

“Always am.”

They giggled. Iris straightened, eyeing the clock and sighing. “Alright. Go time.”

She hip-checked Kendra on her way out to unlock the doors.

Ms. Jane hobbled in, patting Iris on the arm as she asked about her morning. Kendra grabbed the premade 12 ounce macchiato and rang her up. Regulars were a blessing, she mused. Just another part of the day that could be predicted amongst the disasters and spills and angry soccer moms.

“Well, since you asked,” Ms. Jane said, leaning in conspiratorially, “I’m meeting with a man that I met at my grocery last weekend.”

Kendra and Iris gasped happily, congratulating her. “What time are you meeting him?” Kendra asked, leaning on her elbows like a young girl at a sleepover.

“We’re going for lunch at that cute little Indian restaurant downtown. My niece is dating one of the waitresses there—lovely young woman, she’s going to college to be an engineer, and her mother makes excellent butter chicken curry. But anyway,” she added, going on to tell the women about her date while getting her punch card and money out of her little pale blue purse.

After she left, the rest of the morning usuals trickled in.

There was Rian and Malcolm, the gay couple with the matching Americanos and cheese Danishes, then a handful of women who walked to work together every day that ordered a medley of different things, then the young author Kayla who changed her order every time, then Barry Allen, Iris’ best friend, who ordered for him and Joe, Iris’ dad.

“Morning, Bear,” Iris called, leaning over the counter and kissing his cheek when he saunters over.

“Morning, Iris. Hey, Kendra.”

Kendra brought over his steaming to-go cups, flashing a smile. “You’re early; Iris owes me ten bucks.”

Iris rolled her eyes while Barry laughed. Barry stayed around for a couple minutes, standing off to the side so Kendra could ring out customers and chattering about something his friend Cisco had done. Kendra tuned him out, trusting that Iris would fill her in if he said anything interesting enough to be repeated. Barry usually whisked in and out, perpetually running late. It seemed whatever internal clock the guy had was five minutes behind everyone else’s.

The morning passed painlessly. Regulars were on schedule, gossip was exchanged, Iris bopped around to the music from the PA system, and Kendra managed to not burn herself on anything. Still, Kendra couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief when Maria, the girl working the later shift, clocked in.

“I will see you,” Kendra said, kissing Iris on the cheek and waving goodbye to Maria, “in a couple days.”

“Bye, beautiful!” Iris called after her.

She waggled her fingers behind her, pushing the door opened and relishing at the cool air. Working in a coffee shop was hell if you didn’t like heat.

When she got home, Kendra kicked off her shoes and stripped in the doorway, kicking her crumpled clothing down the hall until it sat in front of her laundry basket. She pulled on soft purple pajama pants with little cats on them and a ratty t-shirt that had a little whale and said “This blows” on it. If she didn’t have any plans for the rest of the day, she made it a point to wear comfortable clothes.

Her refrigerator was disappointingly empty, but so was her bank account, so she ate a bowl of cereal while watching an episode of America’s Next Top Model.

Her phone buzzed. It was a text from her mom.

‘hi sweetie :)) just wondering how your doing! thinking of you always xoxo mom’

Kendra smiled.

‘I’m doing ok :) Worked this morning DX but home now anything exciting at home?’

‘no lol your dad tried making a different kind of coffee this morning but other than that its all the same’

Kendra figured it would be. Life with her parents had always been monotonous. She loved them dearly, but they didn’t have any drive to make their lives any different. Some part of her always believed she was meant for something meaningful, but she hadn’t found it yet. It was like there was something locked up inside her chest and she just had to find the right key.

Until then, she was a barista.

 

Iris was fed-up with men. Specifically, her father and her best friend.

“Seriously, K, it’s like they think I’m living with cotton in my ears,” Iris complained, wiping down tables with a little more force than necessary. “Every time I walk into a room they all go silent. And I think Cisco and Caitlin are in on it too, but I can’t really be as mad, you know? Like, they’re Barry’s friend first, and all, and besides: my family should tell me stuff. Especially when it has to be important! Otherwise, they wouldn’t work so damn hard to keep me out of it!”

Kendra checked to make sure none of their customers heard Iris’ slip. They were still at work, and they could still technically get written up for profanity. Luckily, no one seemed phased.

“It’s not like you’ve never kept a secret from them, babe. I mean, you didn’t tell your dad about you and Eddie for months, and the only reason Barry knows is because he saw you guys together.”

Iris shook the rag in Kendra’s direction. “This is different. I feel it.”

“In your reporter gut?”

“In my reporter gut.” Kendra had meant it as a joke, but Iris was serious. “There is something big happening in my family and no one is telling me anything. And I’m not just going to let them all lie to me.”

To be honest, Kendra couldn’t discount what Iris was claiming. Once, when Barry, Caitlin, and Cisco were getting coffee, she overheard them talking about “meta-humans” and something about a cortex, whatever that was. She didn’t think it wise to mention it to Iris, though. It was clear that whatever was going on, it wasn’t going to be wheedled out of anyone. There was going to have to be some good old fashioned snooping to find out anything good.

“Well, until you do find something out, you might wanna do something about that.”

Iris put the hand that wasn’t holding a dirty rag on her hip. “Do something about what?”

Kendra gestured to Iris. “ _That_. You’re riled up as hell, girl, and clearly you can’t just talk it out. You should join me for kick-boxing some time. It really helps take the edge off.”

Kick-boxing class was held every Wednesday at 5 P.M. in a little gym a couple blocks from Kendra’s apartment. She loved having a way to blow off steam that wasn’t competitive; competitive sports tended to wind her up more than let her burn off energy. Plus, she liked the confidence that being able to take care of herself brought.

Iris said she’d come, but when the day came, she had to call in for a rain check.

“Bear needs me for something,” she apologized, promising to join her next week.

Kendra thought _that_ was a likely story. It was much more likely that Barry was busy and she was taking the opportunity to search his room at Joe’s to find out something about this secret he’s supposedly keeping. Still, she accepted the apology and went alone, not really bothered. Iris was a woman of her word, so she’d be seeing her in work-out clothes next Wednesday or she was calling Joe to make sure Iris hadn’t gotten horribly ill.

Thursday morning, Kendra worked a shift with Lindsay, a white girl with a shrill laugh and truly horrible taste in men. It was pretty boring, for the first half or so.

Then, Cisco Ramon showed up and made it a little more interesting.

Kendra knew Cisco from Barry and Iris, and from the times they’d all had coffee at the little table by the window, but she’d never really had a conversation with him. He was easy on the eyes with beautiful brown eyes and long dark hair and a joyous laugh. The gorgeous nerdy type. Kendra was a sucker for ‘em.

“Morning, Cisco,” she said, not bothering to switch into customer service mode.

He flashed her that heart-stopping smile. “Morning, Kendra. You been good?”

“Yeah, I have been. What’ll it be?”

Cisco rattled off a handful of coffee orders, most ordered extra hot. “Barry got called in for a case, so I’m doing the coffee run today.”

“Lucky me.” Wow, Kendra, where did that come from? She usually wasn’t the blatantly flirtatious type, due both to shyness and lack of style.

Cisco didn’t seem to notice. “Yeah, I s’pose.” He seemed distracted, so she didn’t hold it against him.

She nudged the marked-up coffee cups in Lindsay direction and rang Cisco up. “Doing anything fun?”

That seemed to cheer him up. “Sciencey stuff, yeah. Cait’s working on a new serum—classified, of course,” he said with a wink, “and I’ve got a couple of prototypes I’m close to perfecting.”

“Yeah, you’re an engineer, right?”

“Yep. A blessing and a curse most days.” Cisco checked his phone. Grabbing all of his coffees, he said, “I gotta get to work. You have a good day, Kendra.”

“You too, Cisco.”

After he was gone, Lindsay came over. “He was cute.”

“Yeah, yeah he was.”

Even though they’d only talked for a minute or so, Kendra thought of him fondly as she walked home. He was sweet in a way a lot of guys just weren’t. And from what Barry and Iris had told her, he was funny and brilliant and loyal to a fault.

Dammit, Kendra. Forming a crush on someone after two seconds of conversation was just too damn predictable. And it never worked out in her favor. Best to just keep it locked up inside, let it escape like trapped steam as she punched things.

Still, she smiled for a good hour after she got home.

 

Iris got hired as a reporter at Central City Picture News. She was leaving Jitters.

On one hand, Iris was so excited she was practically vibrating out of her skin. On the other, she loved Jitters and her girls, and she would be sad to leave them.

She didn’t examine the fact that she would miss Kendra the most.

“I put in my two weeks this morning,” Iris told Kendra in between customers. “They knew about my blog, K! I can’t believe this is really happening, it’s like a dream. I keep pinching myself.”

Kendra jokingly pinched her lightly on the arm. They giggled, brushing shoulders as they made expressos side-by-side.

“I’m so happy for you,” Kendra said earnestly. “This is your big reporter break.”

“I know. It’s surreal. I still haven’t told my dad or Barry. Eddie’s taking me for a celebration dinner when he gets off tonight. We’re getting sushi.” Iris laughed at Kendra’s curled nose. “It’s awesome, okay, you just haven’t tried it since you were little. Taste buds change, you know.”

Kendra shook her head a little bit but didn’t negate it.

Iris smiled smugly. “I’ll have to take you sometime. Maybe after kick-boxing?”

“So you’re coming then?”

Iris nodded. “Cisco helped me pick out some banging work out gear and I bought some protein powder to start making shakes. I figured this city is super crazy and we have to at least be able to run away if we can’t defend ourselves.”

“I’m not sure that’s how that works but alright.” Far be it from Kendra to dissuade Iris from joining her in the land of physical fitness.

Iris’ last two weeks at Jitters were bittersweet. On her last day, the girls held a little party for her after Jitters closed. They all brought cards with words of encouragements and a couple brought little gifts and there was a bottle of flavored vodka and cookies and someone played music and they all got tipsy and danced badly. Kendra and Iris slow danced to a John Legend song and everyone hugged her and told her they’d miss her. Maria cried a little.

All in all, it was wonderful and Iris couldn’t be happier.

Well, she could, if she knew what was going on with her best friend and father. But she didn’t let that distract from her good night with her friends.

Kendra and Iris left a couple girls to clean and lock-up. They were mostly sober, but Iris lamented that she’d have to pay for a taxi or walk the twenty blocks to her apartment.

“You can stay with me,” Kendra offered, holding out her hand.

Iris took it, beaming. “I’ll have to text Eddie to let him know. He’d be worried if I didn’t come home.”

She took out her phone, typing out a quick ‘staying at k’s tonight, see u in the morning!’ and sending it, smiling as Eddie simply sent back ‘k’ with a heart. She never would’ve took Eddie for an emoji man, but then, he was always surprising her like that.

The women walked to Kendra’s apartment, sticking close together both to fight the cold and to keep their eyes peeled for any lurking figures waiting to pull something. Nobody bothered them, though. It was a quiet night, with cars purring and cats snoring and the faint sound of someone’s TV following them up the stairs to Kendra’s place.

“You know,” Iris commented, “I think this is the first time I’ve ever been here.”

“Well, don’t expect anything fancy,” Kendra replied, shrugging off her jacket and toeing off her shoes in the doorway. “The shoe rack’s in here.” She opened the coat closet revealing three jackets and a white wire rack holding a couple pairs of shoes.

Iris followed suit, setting her shoes next to Kendra’s and hanging her jacket on a purple hanger.

Kendra’s apartment was small, with a picture of what must be Kendra’s parents sitting on a table next to the couch. The furniture was worn but still in good condition. There was a pile of papers and a laptop on the coffee table, a few dishes in the sink. Better than Iris’ apartment right now, she mused. Between her and Eddie, her home was a whirlwind of clothes and magazines and empty mugs. She needed to get on that.

Padding into the kitchen, Kendra asked, “You want anything to drink?”

“You got chamomile? We probably need to wind down soon.”

Kendra nodded, pulling out a box of tea and two mugs, turning the water heater on with a click. “I don’t work tomorrow, you?”

“I start my new position first thing.”

Iris was a bit nervous, if she was being honest with herself. Ever since she started high school, she’d wanted to be a journalist. Being the person who framed the news, who picked which stories were worth telling, whose side was the one that needed to be supported, was a daunting but fulfilling duty. One that she hoped she’d be up to the task for.

Kendra seemed to pick up on her feelings. “You’re going to be great,” she assured her, softly but firmly. “If there’s anyone in the world who can do this, it’s Iris West.”

Knowing that somebody believed in her made Iris’s stomach turn to mush. She knew that Eddie had her back, and that Barry and her dad mostly do (except when it came to, you know, her protecting herself and making her own choices), but there was something about Kendra’s genuine persistent encouragement that eased her nerves just that little bit.

Iris sat on the couch, accepting the steaming mug from Kendra and turning to better see Kendra as she sat down. When Kendra was completely seated, Iris stretched her legs out to set them over Kendra’s lap. Kendra simply rested her empty hand on Iris’s leg, thumbing the seam of her jeans absently. The two women sat in silence for a bit, blowing on their tea to cool it down and sipping from it once it no longer would scald them.

“If I’m being honest,” Iris said quietly, “I’m really worried about whatever’s going on with my family. They never keep anything from me unless they think they’re protecting me, which means whatever they’re hiding is dangerous. And not only does it put them in danger, it puts me in danger. How am I supposed to protect myself if I don’t know what I’m protecting myself from?”

Kendra’s brow crinkled as she pondered that. Iris thought it was cute when she got serious and thought hard about something.

“There’s no way of knowing for sure,” Kendra said slowly, “but you’re probably right. In this crazy city,” and she laughed breathily at that, not really amused, “God only knows what’s really going on. People with powers and supervillians. Secrets are dangerous when we barely know what we’re going up against. About what lurks in the shadows.

“And I know you don’t think you can prepared without them telling you what they’re hiding. But I think you’re already preparing. You’re keeping track of known sightings, you’re learning self-defense, you’re letting your family know that you know something is up. You aren’t just letting them pretend everything’s normal. And what they don’t understand is you don’t need their protection as much as they think you do. You’re damn capable of defending yourself.”

Iris stared at Kendra. Kendra, beautiful, kind Kendra, understood her in a way Iris didn’t even know that she understood herself. She knew exactly what to say to make Iris understand what she needed to do. Tears pricked at her eyes.

“You know,” Iris said, sniffling a little, “that you’re the first person to not just pat me on the head and tell me not to worry? You’re the only person who actually tried to understand what I was thinking, how I was feeling?”

Kendra pulled her in for a hug. “You deserve better,” Kendra said into the curve of Iris’s shoulder. “They shouldn’t treat you like this.”

Iris cried a little, shoulders shaking, holding onto Kendra’s arms for dear life. When she’d calmed down a little, she pulled back, letting Kendra wipe the tear streaks from her cheeks. It was insane how at peace she felt after one conversation. Being understood was unlike any other joy she’d felt.

After their heart-to-heart, they finished their coffee. Iris borrowed a pair of Kendra’s pajamas and used one of the spare toothbrushes. When she was done, Kendra snatched it and wrote “Iris Best” on it in Sharpie, dotting the lowercase ‘i’ with a heart.

Iris offered to take the couch, but Kendra rolled her eyes and pulled her into her bedroom. Iris tried very hard not to think of that with less than platonic feelings attached.

She was becoming aware that she may or may not have a thing for Kendra.

Kendra’s room was like the rest of the apartment: comfortably lived in. Her sheets were grey and her comforter and pillows were a pale blue. There was a little bit of laundry on the floor and a couple of water glasses on the side table. Her dresser was simple and probably secondhand. One of the blinds was bent. Kendra turned off the lights and made her way to her bed in the dark.

“It’s not a pillowtop, but it does the trick,” Kendra sighed, falling face first onto her mattress. She scooted over and tapped the bed next to her.

Crawling in, Iris did her best to shove her freezing feet on Kendra’s legs.

“Eddie says he’ll come get me before work so I can go home and change.”

“Got to make a good impression on your first day.” Kendra smiled, only half of her face visible as the other half was smushed into a pillow. “Send me a selfie sometime tomorrow, kay? I want to see your first day look.”

Iris agreed, settling into bed. Kendra pulled the covers over them.

“Good night, Kendra,” Iris whispered.

“Good night, Iris,” Kendra whispered back.

Of course, anxiety being what it is, it was a while before Iris went to sleep. Kendra’s breathing had evened out into the serenity of peaceful sleep before long, but Iris’ mind still buzzed. Her job was only one of many things she worried over. Ultimately, though, it would be the first obstacle she’d conquer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's chapter one! thank u to my darling lena @shayara on tumblr for beta reading this, and to gabe @mickrrory for all the enthusiasm and cheerleading. you guys are a big part of why this is here.
> 
> the next chapter should be up next monday!
> 
> come talk to me about my newest and shiniest ot3 at doctorlightwood.tumblr.com


	2. runners and streakers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris adjusts to her new job and Kendra meets Cisco's coworker.

Life at Jitters was less interesting without Iris there, but it had an unexpected upside. Since Iris was no longer there, Barry no longer made it his daily imperative to make the coffee run for S.T.A.R. Labs or for him and Joe, depending on the day. She still saw him on occasion, but not nearly as often. Almost as if in exchange, Cisco Ramon became a regular.

“Good Morning, Kendra!” He chirped, brushing his hair behind his ears as he walked up to the counter. It was 6:37 A.M. and he was almost forcefully positive.

“You know,” she said conversationally, “you don’t have to pretend to be a morning person just for me.”

He kind of froze, almost apologetic. “That obvious?” His nose crinkled when he said that, embarrassed.

Kendra nodded, trying not to laugh. “Yep. It’s alright, though. You don’t have to fake with me.”

Cisco sighed with relief, dropping the insincere cheerfulness and leaning his top half onto her counter. “I hate mornings,” he moaned into his sleeves. “Why Doctor Wells insists that I get up this early to go to work with three employees including me is a mystery I’ll never solve.”

She punched in his order as well as Caitlin’s. “Is Doctor Wells getting anything?” She asked, knowing what the answer would be.

“No,” Cisco replied as predicted. He pulled his head up to squint at her. “Is it just me or is that guy immune to feeling tired?”

Kendra shrugged. “Wouldn’t know, never met him.”

“Shit, man, I’m sorry. I forgot you’re not, like, part of the main squad. I mean Iris talks about you so much, it just kind of stuck.”

What? “Iris talks about me?”

Cisco snorted. “Yeah, a lot. Like, I tend to info dump on people and even _I_ can tell you she talks about you more than the normal amount. Guess she likes you.”

Kendra really tried not to read into that statement. “Guess so.”

“Ts’alright. I think I like you to.” Cisco said that guilelessly, like it didn’t even occur to him that it could come into question. Like stating an immutable fact. He shined a bright smile at her, much more genuine than the one he’d plastered on when he walked in.

“You’re alright,” she said neutrally, winking to destroy the effect. He perked up, looking down and then back at her.

And so, Cisco Ramon became a staple in Kendra’s morning when she worked.

When she didn’t, she slept in, rolled into the shower, did her hair, made coffee, and called her mom.

“ _Hello_?” Her mom was 52 and sounded older when she first woke up.

“Hi, momma!”

Her mom yawned. “ _Hi, sweetie. Let me put some coffee on before we get into anything serious, alright?_ ”

Her parents lived an hour ahead of her, but they tended to sleep in. Her mom worked from home and her dad got disability, so they tended to keep a more lax schedule.

Kendra relaxed, sipping her coffee while her mother bustled around. The sounds of her mother moving around her kitchen were comforting. She worried at first that it might make her homesick, but she was surprisingly okay with being away from home.

Finally, the sound of a chair being pulled out signaled that her mother was ready to go.

“So I talked to a guy today.”

“ _A guy? What kind of ‘guy’?_ ”

“He’s one of Iris’s friends. You remember Iris, right?”

“ _Yes, that lovely young woman who works as a reporter now._ ”

Kendra hummed an affirmation. “Well, he’s one of the people that helped her best friend when he was in a coma. His name is Cisco.”

“ _Ooooo, Cisco? A very nice name_.”

She rolled her eyes. “You mean a very Latino name.”

“ _Hey now, I have nothing against gringos,_ ” her mother said crossly. “ _I just happen to like it when you find nice young men who aren’t white._ ”

“Yeah, you and me both. Anyway, more importantly, he’s super sweet and really smart. He’s an engineer. Besides, Iris has a good sense for good people. I trust her judgement.”

“ _So. You and this boy, is there anything happening?_ ”

“Mami, I swear, I’ve had a grand total of two non-work related conversations with him. We practically just met.”

“ _But you like him_.” It wasn’t a question. Her mother had a pretty good sense of when she did and when she didn’t.

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I’m ready to date. And besides, I don’t know if he’s even interested.”

“ _If he’s not interested, he’s not worth your time, Kendra. Besides, you always say that you ‘aren’t ready’ when you meet someone you like. You said the same thing with Iris, and now she’s dating some policeman.”_

That was something Kendra’d rather not think about too much.

“Yes, and she’s very happy with said policeman, and Cisco is also someone who I’d like to be friends with at the very least.” She sighed. “I’m 24, Mama, and I just don’t know if I want to be with someone at this stage.”

“ _Because you are afraid? Or because you are not?_ ”

And wasn’t that just the damn thing.

Fortunately for Kendra, the conversation soon turned to other less-loaded topics. Kendra shared all the interesting work gossip, while her mother filled her in on all the goings-on in the family and neighborhood. It was good to talk to her mother, even though she talked to her at least twice a week. Remembering where she came from made it easier in this big foreign city that she was calling home.

Before long, though, Kendra’s dad woke up, and she said good morning to him through the phone. The call ended after that; Kendra’s parents liked to have a quiet breakfast together without phones or other screens.

Kendra decided to go for a run.

She didn’t do it often. Punching and kicking was her preferred method of exercise, but occasionally she laced up some tennis shoes and pounded the pavement. She only really did it when she couldn’t bear the restlessness, like there was a creature living inside her chest, a tightness that only faded and bloomed like the coming and going of the tide. Today was one of those days.

The city was charming but busy. People were always dashing from place to place, never static, never calm. She found that energy fed into her own like a current of electricity pushing each new stride until she ran out of conductivity. It seemed fitting that a place like this should have someone with super speed as its protector.

When she ran, Kendra never had a specific route. It was almost like putting her body on auto-pilot but with no coordinates for the destination, just letting her body run without any thought to where she would end up. More often than not, she ended up calling a taxi or begging a coworker to take her home.

Today was no different. Since she didn’t ever use her iPhone for music, she timed her feet to the frantic pounding of her feet. When crosswalks forced her to stop, she ran in place or paced, if she had the room. Her mind was empty except for the one-two of her feet meeting the pavement.

Running was almost enough to make the trapped, hunted feeling go away.

By the time she slowed to a halt, it was almost one. Breathing heavily, she checked the street signs and plotted her location into the GPS on her phone. 30 minutes walking, the little letters said.

Damn. She must’ve been more driven and wound-up than she realized.

“You lost?”

She whirled around, fists coming up instinctively. The man held up his hands in surrender. He was a light-skinned man with pale blue eyes and buzzed greying hair. There was something about him that put her on guard.

“No. Just tired of running.”

The man shrugged. “Just doesn’t seem like your kind of place.”

“That’s not for you to decide.” But he wasn’t wrong; she was officially on the seedier side of Central City. The buildings were older, less well-kept. The streets were dirtier, the people hungrier. She hadn’t meant to run this far south.

“You need a ride?”

Kendra glared. He was too helpful, sly and cheerful like a used car salesman. “I think I can manage.”

Thankfully, he didn’t seem upset. “Suit yourself. Taxis are pretty rare around here, though, so it’ll be a ways if you’re determined to hoof it.” The way his voice formed the word “hoof” was gentler than the rest of his speech, like it held a bit of innocent humor in it.

Pissed more at herself than the man, she considered what he said. “Why do you care?” She asked after a moment.

“Good Samaritan.” They both knew that was a bald-faced lie. Still, it made her smile despite herself. “I’m Len.”

“Kendra.”

“See you around, Kendra,” Len drawled, adjusting his oversized parka as he turned and walked away.

Kendra shook her head when he was out of sight. Something about him made her suspicious, but not in the way one’d expect. She didn’t _fear_ him or think he would harm her. Still, she made a mental note to be more cognizant of where she was running next time.

 

Reporting was turning out to be exactly what Iris was afraid it would be. Boring white dudes calling the shots, her being underappreciated from the get-go, and her getting the sinking feeling that she wasn’t going to be able to thrive there. It wasn’t all bad though: Linda Park was nice, and at least she wasn’t the only young woman of color in the building.

Naturally, she ended up at Kendra’s to lament her sorrows.

“And they only want me for the Streak! I thought it was so great that they were into my blog, but I’m not just a Streak-girl.” Iris angrily ate a little bit of muffin.

“I thought for a sec you were going to say ‘Streaker’ and I was ready to shame you,” Kendra informed her, laughing at the eye-daggers Iris shot her way. “Seriously, though, I’m sorry reporting isn’t treating you the way you’d hoped.”

Iris swallowed. “I sense a ‘but’ somewhere in there.”

“ _But_ ,” Kendra continued, placing her hand on Iris’ knee comfortingly, “I think you always knew these set-backs would be there. You knew that being a young black woman with a strong voice was going to be hard in this field. I think you’re disappointed, but you’re really angry because this was supposed to be your way of sticking it to your dad and Barry without actually sticking it to them.”

Most of the fight was taken from Iris. She sighed. “You’re right. As usual. But it’s not just that, it’s…” She chewed on her lip, thinking. “I already have to deal with being undervalued and underestimated with my family and even some of my friends. Never you, of course, but you’re you. And it would’ve been nice to go into a field I know I’m capable of being more than competent in and being cut off before I even get my bearings.”

They both knew it was never as simple as arriving and getting respect. Both of them were used to everyday set-backs and obstacles put in their path because people thought they couldn’t or shouldn’t. Kendra knew she’d face more as she found her way into a career. Iris couldn’t avoid it any longer.

Iris ended up spending the night again, sleeping with her head tucked under Kendra’s chin. It was an easier rest than the one she’d had the first time she stayed over.

Before she fell asleep, though, she traced the pattern on Kendra’s T-shirt with her fingertip, eyes only half open.

“Kendra?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’m being ridiculous about the whole secrets thing?” Her voice was small, and not just because of her volume. “Do you think there’s really nothing going on and I’m just a paranoid harpy?”

Kendra stroked Iris’ shoulder absently. “I don’t think so. You’re a pretty perceptive person, Iris. You’re not becoming a reporter because you like the attention or the paycheck. If your reporter gut tells you somethings off, you’re probably right. It just might not be what you’re expecting.”

Iris didn’t say anything. Her doubts were something she didn’t like to give attention to unless they screamed at her, but then she called them instincts. The only reason she voiced them is because after weeks of nothing, her resolve was faltering. She was tired of not trusting her family, of being angry and resentful with them. Being that sharp person didn’t come naturally to her and it was exhausting trying to keep it up when she had no allies that could help.

Tonight, though, she just allowed herself to rest. Kendra was safe, she thought as she nodded off against her chest, listening to the steady rhythm of her loyal heart.

 

Time passed. Kendra let her life become routine, as much as it pained her. She and Iris spent at least three nights a week together, and Iris often slept over after kick-boxing, which she was excelling at. Other than that, Kendra went to work, talked to her mom, ate, and slept.

She was going out of her mind.

“You seem tense,” Cisco noted one morning, picking up his premade usual around the same time he did every day. “Everything alright?”

Kendra nodded, pressing her lips together in a tight smile. “Never better.”

She thought that would be the end of it.

However, when she clocked off around noon, Cisco was leaning against a table, beaming at her.

“I asked Iris when you got off today,” he explained, walking out with her. “She agreed with me that you’re high-strung. I thought you might like to come see where I work.”

Kendra chuckled. “You’re taking me down into your secret cortex?”

“One, that is wa-ay more nefarious and inappropriate sounding then what it’s actually like, and two, yes. Yes, I am.” Cisco offered her his arm. “Shall we?”

Of course, they only linked arms until they got into Cisco’s company van, but still. It was fun.

S.T.A.R. Labs, despite its company’s tarnished reputation, was an intimidating building. Kendra marveled at how much space its three employees had to roam and keep up with.

“Your electricity bill must be ungodly,” she said, unabashedly staring.

Cisco laughed. “We kind of produce our own power, but yeah, it would be.”

He took her inside, leading her through the echoing naked hallways and up to the floor that was most frequently used. According to Cisco, most of the facility was completely abandoned, and they didn’t bother paying for a cleaning crew.

“I’d love to have a game of _Thing_ tag or assassins in here, but Doctor Wells would never allow it.” He didn’t seem too bothered by that.

Finally, they arrived at what was clearly the Cortex. It was a big, open space, with a desk full of monitors and skylights illuminating everything. A small medical bay was sanctioned off by a glass wall. Caitlin waved from the med bay, a white lab coat protecting her burgundy sweater and tan slacks. She was in the middle of an experiment, from what Kendra could tell. Doctor Wells was nowhere to be seen.

“This is impressive,” she told Cisco, crossing her arms and taking it all in.

Cisco smiled proudly. “It’s pretty great here,” he commented walking over and sitting in one of the roller chairs. “We have connections to about 15 different satellites from here.”

Kendra strolled over to look over his shoulder. Sure enough, there was a satellite feed of Central City running on the monitor on the right.

“Is that—?”

“Fourth and Franklin, yeah.”

“That’s incredible. You still have access to this stuff after the particle accelerator explosion? Like, they didn’t cut you off?”

Cisco had a little bit of a deer-in-headlights look on his face.

“Uh, we—uh, you see—“

“You hacked these satellite feeds?”

Cisco nodded, braced as if preparing for a blow.

“To be honest, that makes it even cooler.”

She grinned at him. He sighed with relief, leaning back in his chair and gesturing for her to sit.

“We have a lot of access to supplies and what have you because of Doctor Wells’ fortune, but this kind of clearance was revoked after the smoke cleared. I may or may not have taken the liberty to renew that access. Illegally. Besides, after the accelerator, uh, our work load went down.” He seemed sad, distracted.

“Understandable.”

The click of Caitlin’s heals against the floor interrupted what was sure to be an awkward silence. “Doctor Wells is coming back from lunch soon. He’s going to want to get started on the—thing,” she finished lamely, eyeing Kendra.

Well. It seemed there were still secret operations happening in S.T.A.R Labs, even with everything that happened. Interesting.

“It’s alright, Cisco,” she said, smiling warmly. “I can get a ride if you need to stay.”

“No, no, I’ll take you home.”

Saying goodbye to Caitlin, the two navigated out of the labyrinth of hallways and back to Cisco’s van.

“Now that it’s over, I feel like it was lamer than I hoped.”

“No, it was cool. It’s nice meeting Caitlin and seeing your main work space, even for a short visit.”

Cisco smiled hesitantly. “Yeah, it’s a pretty nice place to work. Even after, you know.” She did know.

The drive to Kendra’s apartment was comfortably quiet. Cisco played a Top 40s station and sang softly along, though it was clear he’d rather be belting it out. She wouldn’t push him, though.

“We should do this again sometime,” Kendra said as she unbuckled.

“What, like, hang out?”

“Yeah, like hang out.”

They grinned at each other a moment. Someone behind them honked; there hadn’t been an open space for Cisco to pull over to.

“Bye, Cisco.” Kendra was surprised at the soft quality of her voice.

He waved a little, still gripping the steering wheel. “Bye, Kendra.”

Even when she was inside, she couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off her face. This could work, she thought. This could work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucked myself up writing this chapter tbh... also i should mention that im only following the dctv timeline very loosely and any errors in that department are probably just me being like "if marc guggenheim cant keep a fucking black book then i dont give a shit" and also the wiki is woefully sparse on information
> 
> or in lens case, me just saying "fuck it" and doing it anyway
> 
> thank u lena @shayara on tumblr for betaing this
> 
> if all goes to plan i should have ch 3 up by next monday but we'll see how im doing! ill try my best to get it at least by that wednesday if i have to take more time
> 
> come talk to me about iris west feeling insecure at doctorlightwood.tumblr.com


	3. crying out in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes all you can do is break.

Cisco didn’t even get through the door of his apartment before he started flapping his hands from happiness. He wasn’t always the best at reading social cues, but Kendra was being very subtle. He had a date. With Kendra.

It didn’t last long, though.

“I take it your _date_ went well,” a familiar voice said. Hartley Rathaway, an old coworker of Cisco’s, lounged on his couch, looking quite at home despite never actually being invited.

Cisco’s mood dropped, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. “What are you doing here?”

Hartley stood. He looked tired, dressed in a black hoodie and ratty jeans. Cisco remembered Hartley making fun of his T-shirts and bit down on a sarcastic remark.

“I’m just checking in,” Hartley said, shoving his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. Cisco thought he might be shooting for ‘casual’, but facial expressions were never his strong suit. “Seeing how Team S.T.A.R. Labs is doing after it blew a hole in the atmosphere.”

“We didn’t blow a hole in the atmosphere,” Cisco snapped. “And we’re doing fine. Not having you there has been the highlight of my career, so I’d like it if it continued.”

His harsh words didn’t faze Hartley, or it didn’t seem to. “Wells still jerking the two of you around with that martyr complex of his?” Hartley shook his head, laughing darkly. “I know you think I’m the prodigal son, returning to mock dear Daddy’s mistakes, but I’m serious. He’s playing with you, Cisco. He’s using you up. Whatever his agenda is, you’re just a cog in the machine.”

“I think we’re done here.”

Hartley smirked as he brushed past Cisco, slowing down to whisper in his ear. “When you figure out what he’s up to, do give me a call, Francisco.”

Cisco flinched a little when the door clicked shut. He rushed over to lock it, leaning against the door and pressing his eye to the peephole. Inside, the warped image of Hartley’s back as he walked away made his blood simmer.

“Stupid fucking piece of—“ Cisco huffed out a breath of air, storming through his apartment to double check to see if his windows were all locked and if anything was out of place.

After he screamed into his pillow for a good five minutes, he thought about calling Caitlin or Doctor Wells or even Barry, who would at least be able to search the city for Hartley and make sure he wasn’t up to anything nefarious. He decided against it; his friends had suffered enough without Hartley-drama rearing its ugly head. Hartley might be bitter and pretentious and ableist, but he wasn’t dangerous.

Cisco decided to watch some Sailor Moon to calm his nerves, unearthing his chewing necklace from his underwear drawer and taking it out of the Ziploc to gnaw his anxiety out a little.

Around the middle of the third episode, Iris called. Cisco frowned slightly at his phone, pausing his computer and answering.

“What’s up?”

“ _Hey, Cisco! I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and Kendra and another friend of mine to see a movie? We were thinking about inviting Caitlin too, but she’s feeling under the weather_.”

It was kind of fucked up that Cisco had started to associate phone calls with things going horribly wrong. Aiding a superhero apparently had its drawbacks.

“Yeah, totally! When are you guys going to see it?”

The four ended up meeting outside of Jitters two days later. Kendra had just gotten off of work, changing in the bathroom and carrying her work clothes in a clear plastic backpack.

“This way they won’t have any reason to make me leave it out of the theatre,” Kendra explained smugly when she saw them, patting it happily before swinging it over her shoulder. “Lead the way, Iris!”

The “friend” Iris had mentioned on the phone was a girl name Linda. She had long wavy black hair and pretty brown eyes. A sports reporter at CCPN, Cisco saw why the girls had become fast friends. Her other passions, she explained, were hot peppers and YA sci-fi novels.

“I feel like I’m making a dating profile,” she joked.

“You know, in this friend group, anything’s possible,” Iris shot back, winking and laughing.

Cisco really wished that he could tell whether or not they were joking. Like Iris said: in this friend group, anything’s possible.

The theatre was fairly populated, but not terribly crazy. A bored teenager sold them their tickets and a bored teenager sold them their popcorn. Cisco couldn’t help but snack on the popcorn the moment the bucket touched his hands. Linda asked him to toss her some and caught them expertly, giving him a thumbs-up. Kendra and Iris linked up arms and went to the bathroom while Cisco and Linda find their seats.

“Those two are something,” Linda said after they’d settled, munching happily on popcorn and eyeing the previews flashing across the screen.

“Yeah, they sure are.”

Linda stopped chewing, giving him a weird look.

“What?”

Linda swallowed. “That was not the tone of a friend commenting on their friends’ friendship.”

“What? Yes, it was! I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“Which one?”

“Huh?”

“Which one do you got the hots for?”

Cisco furrowed his brow. That was not where he thought she was going, even though he really didn’t have a strong idea of where she was going anyway.

“I’m, uh, I’ve been on a date with Kendra, but I’m not sure what that has to do with anything?”

Staring at him, Linda frowned, confused. (Her and him both.) “You don’t see what’s going on with them?”

“Not this second, no, but they're kind of in the little girl’s room right now…?”

“No, I mean—do you not see it? Seriously?” When he didn’t answer, Linda took his hand. He resisted the urge to yank it out of her gentle grip. “They’re into each other, Cisco. They might not be dating, but they are super into each other.”

Cisco’s mouth dropped open a little, but no sound came out. Kendra and Iris—well, it wasn’t completely a shock, but it was rather heart-breaking. Iris was with Eddie, and Kendra was sort of with him, and he didn’t know if they would be willing or able to have any polyamorous dynamics, or if they even knew that they liked each other. It was a lot to process.

By the time he’d finished processing, Linda had dropped his hand, and Kendra and Iris were sitting to his right.

“Hey,” Kendra whispered warmly, nudging his elbow with hers.

Cisco smiled a little. It didn’t seem to do the trick, though.

“What’s wrong?”

He shrugged. He didn’t think he could lie to her, but he wasn’t exactly about to drop any bombs on her or Iris in public. Besides, the lights were beginning to dim.

The movie was decent; when they walked out, Kendra and Iris and Linda were talking over the bits they liked and the bits they didn’t. Cisco stayed out of the discussion largely because he didn’t remember most of what he’d just watched. He was still mulling over what he’d heard, along with planning a device based on something he’d seen in the movie (one of the few detail he did hang on to) and twisting the fidget ring he wore on his right middle finger. The others didn’t seem to notice.

Even the cold evening air brushing against his face didn’t break him from his thoughts. Only after Linda had gotten in a taxi did Iris and Kendra notice his absent-mindedness.

“Is he--?” Kendra asked uncertainly.

Iris nodded, unconcerned. “He get like this. It’s hyper-fixation; he’s focused on something so intensely everything else kind of fades away. Caitlin explained it to me when Barry was still in his coma at S.T.A.R. Labs.”

The two women took his hands. Cisco was aware that he was walking, that they were leading him somewhere, stopping at stoplights, but he couldn’t track where they were headed. It was alright. Iris and Kendra knew where they were going, probably, and these plans were honestly much more interesting than directions anyway. Besides, he’d be alright pretty much anywhere with them.

Only when they stopped did he zone back in enough to see where they were. As it happened, they were outside Kendra’s apartment. Iris and Kendra were talking. He focused to see if he could clue in to what about.

“—I don’t know, K, it just seems like somethings off about it. First Barry and my dad, then reporters going missing at my work, then Eddie getting all weird on me—“

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Iris,” Kendra assured, rubbing Iris’ tense shoulders. “Just, try and get some sleep, alright? I’m sure things will look better in the morning.”

Cisco had a bad feeling he knew what Iris and Kendra were talking about.

Kendra said her goodnights, kissing them both on the cheek and bounding up the stairs to her apartment. Iris and Cisco waved, then began to walk again, this time towards Cisco’s van, which was parked a couple blocks away.

“Thanks again for agreeing to take me home.”

“No problem, Iris.”

The night was a silent as the city ever got. It was a clear night, with only occasional clouds, and the moon shone in slivers between buildings. A dog barked in the distance, accompanying their companionable footsteps slapping against the cool grey sidewalk.

“Cisco, can I ask you something?”

Iris’s eyes were soft and unguarded, taking Cisco by surprise. The streetlight reflected off her glossy lips. Her skin was almost glowing in a way that seemed ethereal, the blue hues against her lovely brown skin. Cisco was so enthralled, he almost forgot she’d asked him a question.

“Y-Yeah, anything. Anything. What is it?”

“Barry and my dad are keeping something from me. Something big. Something life changing. Do you know what it is?”

Cisco’s heart dropped into his stomach. He and Caitlin, back when Barry had first gotten his powers, had made casual jokes about betting when Iris, the wonderful, bright, inquisitive woman she was, would figure it out. They never imagined she’d ever come to them, but then, they hadn’t counted on befriending Iris. Rookie mistake, honestly, but in all of their theories they never factored in her coming to one of them.

Oh boy.

“Um,” he said, brain stalling. He’d been silent for too long, faltering for too long.

“I see.” The magical warmth was gone. Iris was closed off now, pursing her lips and looking away. She she turned back, her eyes were filling with tears. “I’m the only one who doesn’t know, that’s… That’s wonderful. You know, Cisco, I think I can call a cab. Good night.”

“Wait-!”

He grabbed her arm. Iris didn’t pull away.

“This—Your family is keeping things from you because they think it’s the best way to protect you.”

“And you? What do you think? Because I am awfully tired of all these people, of all these _men_ trying to tell me that I need to be protected!”

Iris’s voice rang out in the clear night. She was breathing heavily, looking down at her boots and trying to calm down.

“I don’t really think that’s the best way to protect you, but… it’s not my secret to tell, Iris.”

Iris nodded slowly, fighting through her tears. “I know. It’s not… You were my friend first, Cisco. That—That isn’t what I meant to say—I just—“ She broke down, crying helplessly and shaking her head.

Unsure if he’d be welcome, Cisco cautiously put his arms around her. Iris fell into them, tucking her head into his shoulder and sobbing silently, her whole body shaking. His hands comforted her automatically, as if they knew better than his brain what to do in this situation, like autopilot, like muscle memory. He stroked her hair, keeping a watchful eye out around them just in case. (It was still late, and he’d seen first-hand what kind of nasties hid in his city.)

“If it were up to me, you’d know,” he whispered into her hair.

Iris nodded, tightening her grip around him.

After a while, Iris’s shaking subsided. She let go of Cisco, wiping her eyes with the palm of her hands.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to be such a mess.”

“Don’t be. That’s what—“ And the phrase caught in his throat. _What friends are for._ He couldn’t bring himself to finish saying it.

“Put in a good word for me with Barry, at least? He’ll listen to you.” Iris’s eyes were shiny with tears and hope.

“I’ll try, but you know he’s pretty stubborn.”

Iris smiled weakly. “Yeah, he is.”

Cisco and Iris finished the walk to his car in silence. Cisco wished he had some way to make this all better, some way to make her feel better without betraying Barry’s trust. Unfortunately, there was nothing.

The car ride passed much the same. He kept glancing over at her. She was quiet, melancholy, watching the streets pass without any expression. Normally, he’d turn on the radio to break the silence, hating driving without it, but he was too anxious to do anything. He wasn’t even afraid of upsetting Iris.

Ah, anxiety… You’re useless.

She squeezed her wrist and whispered her goodbye when he dropped her off at her apartment. Cisco thought about how she went home to her apartment that she shares with her boyfriend who keeps the secret that almost everyone she knew kept, about how isolated she must feel, not even trusting the man who shares her bed to tell her the important things. He had a knee-jerk regret for not just spilling the bean when she asked him, but he fought it down.

If Cisco were Eddie, it’d be different. He’d have a reason or an excuse or something to tell to Barry’s disappointed face when he was confronted on it. He’d say, ‘I can’t lie to my _girlfriend_ ’. Eddie could honestly get away with it better than Cisco could, he mused as he turned into his apartment parking. Eddie wasn’t nearly as close with Barry as Cisco was. And yes, Eddie was Joe’s partner on the force, but Eddie and Iris _lived_ together. They were partners in the larger, lovelier sense.

Cisco wished sometimes he wasn’t so predictable about developing feelings for someone.

He probably only had a week or so until Caitlin figured it out.

Dammit.

 

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you read it), Cisco’s unfortunately timed feelings for Iris were overshadowed by many emergencies happening in quick succession. Between the Weather Wizard and Hartley Rathaway making his grand return and Lisa fucking Snart (and wasn’t she a whirlwind of a woman, all beauty and charm and honey-flavored venom), the team was far too busy to notice him pining silently for Iris.

Kendra was running out of patience for his excuses as to why they hadn’t gone on any more dates.

“ _Or even a call or a text saying ‘hey, Kendra, it’s Cisco, just wanted to check in, let you know I’m not dead and make sure you’re okay_ ,” Kendra’s tinny, angry voice said. Cisco had her on a Bluetooth while also compiling villain files for the S.T.A.R. Labs database. “ _I understand if Doctor Wells is keeping you busy, but I also need you to stay in touch with me!”_

“You’re right, you’re absolutely right, I’m sorry, I’ve just been—“

Caitlin walked in, quirking her brow at him. He mouthed, ‘Kendra’, and she nodded knowingly.

“ _Preoccupied_?”

“Yeah.”

Kendra sighed, breath crackling over the line. “ _I know, babe. I don’t mean to be a harpy or anything, but I miss you._ ”

Cisco’s stomach fluttered. _Babe_. It was exciting, but also incredibly nerve-wracking

“You’re not a harpy, Kendra. You’ve actually been way cooler with this then any person should be expected to be. Tell you what—“ And he made eye contact with Caitlin so she’d be able to cover for him with Doctor Wells—“I’ll play hooky tonight. Pretend I got sick and leave work early. We can curl up on the couch and watch women’s tennis and eat take-out. Sound good?”

“ _It’s a date._ ”

As soon as the call finished, Caitlin leaned over his work station, putting her hand on his shoulder gently.

“How’s Kendra?”

“She’s good. I’m just a shit boyfriend.”

Caitlin shook her head, reassuring, “You’re just new at balancing all of this. We all are. I’ve just started figuring out how to schedule in Ronnie time again.”

And she was. She and Ronnie Skyped at least once a week. He told her how training was going, she told him bits and pieces of stories of both her work as a geneticist and their work as support for a superhero. They always kept their calls short and sweet, but Caitlin always came to work lighter after talking to her fiancé.

Cisco pressed his cheek against her cool hand, smiling up at his best friend. “Well, Kendra needs some Cisco time. Think you guys can go without me for one night?”

Caitlin rolled her eyes, smiling fondly. “Of course, Cisco. Go see your girlfriend.”

For a change of pace, they went to Cisco’s place. Kendra had a bag to stay the night since she didn’t have any clothes at his apartment yet. Cisco made mental plans to clear her out a drawer, knowing full well he’d forget in twenty minutes anyway.

It was nice having a quiet evening in. It was also almost frighteningly domestic, Kendra sitting around in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and having her hair pulled up in a lazy bun, fly-aways sticking out of her ponytail. Cisco kept having to tamp down on a fight-or-flight response, afraid that he’d blink and she’d be gone, a figment of his imagination. In a world of meta-humans and earthquake machines and God only knows what else, a girl who liked him back enough to stay still seemed impossible.

And yet she was here.

Cisco’s bed was barely big enough for the two of them. Luckily, Kendra curled up behind him like it was second nature, pressing her face in between his shoulder blades and sighing, content. She stroked his arms until he relaxed, patient as ever, and they fell asleep like that, curved together like a matching set of hers and his necklaces.

Hours later, Cisco walked down the hallway of S.T.A.R. Labs. He was looking over the schematics of the speedster trap he’d made to catch the Reverse Flash. Something was wrong. The trap should’ve worked. All of the reports showed that there was nothing wrong, no broken pieces, no leaking energy. So he had to test it.

He tested it.

He died.

He woke up gasping, choking on a scream, Kendra’s hands on his chest and his cheek, her voice gentle and concerned. Instead of calming down, of letting his breath even out, of letting Kendra’s magic hands sooth the nightmare out of his tense frame, he burst into tears.

“Baby, baby, it’s okay, you’re safe, you’re alright,” Kendra tried, but he was inconsolable. There was no explaining the gut wrenching fear, the absolute certainty that he’d died, that Doctor Wells—

God, it was unbearable to even think it.

After pressing his face into her lap and stroking his hair until he didn’t have any more tears to cry, Kendra got up, reassuring him that she’d only been gone a minute before disappearing into the darkness of his apartment. He lay in his bed, shuddering, listening for the sounds of her clanking around in his kitchen to anchor himself.

Kendra came back with a cup of tea. “I put a couple ice cubes in it so it should cool down faster,” she explained, cupping his shaking hands around it and then giving him space.

Cisco choked some down, grateful for the burn of too hot tea to remind himself that he was alive.

Despite this, despite her patience and her compassion, Cisco couldn’t tell Kendra anything. He couldn’t tell her, even if she knew about the Flash. Cisco knew it was impossible, that it was just a nightmare, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he didn’t want to say anything to protect Doctor Wells or to protect himself from Doctor Wells.

And he wasn’t sure it was just the nightmare causing that fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks as always to my beta lena for reading this! ur the best boo
> 
> talk to me about cisco and iris at doctorlightwood.tumblr.com


	4. the only difference between detective work and journalism is the badge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fed up, Kendra and Iris team up to uncover the truth their friends are hiding from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry this is late! i totally spaced yesterday :( but here it is!

Kendra finally understood what Iris was seeing when she talked about her family keeping secrets. Cisco wasn’t sleeping, barely eating, constantly chewing little bits of skin off of his fingers, tapping things and bouncing and never able to focus on one thing for more than a second. He took longer to text back, looked guilty when he waved away her concerns, always muttering to Caitlin and/or Barry, silencing himself if she came into a room.

Except that Cisco was a terrible liar. When he said he was fine, his hand tremored. When he apologized for missing yet another date, his voice shook. And normally, Kendra would think it was normal anxiety, or that he was going through a bad spell, but she noticed knowing looks being passed between the members of the S.T.A.R. Labs crew (and Joe, who she was fairly certain was part of that crew by now anyways) whenever their boss came up in conversation.

Her mom was no help, unfortunately. Her advice was to confront Cisco head on, demand to know what was going on. It clearly hadn’t worked for Iris with her family, and besides, Kendra didn’t think that they were exaggerating when they claimed they kept Iris in the dark to protect her.

Cisco was terrified and Kendra knew it had something to do with his boss.

That, as Iris would say, was a lead.

In fact, it was exactly what Iris said.

“You have no idea how validating it is to not be the only one out of the loop,” Iris sighed, partially relieved and partially worried. Kendra had filled her in on everything she knew about what was going on with their friends. They were at Jitters on their lunch breaks, venting in between bites. “I mean, it’s awful that it’s come to this, and I’m worried about Barry and Dad even more now that you’ve told me about Cisco—I wondered why he wasn’t staying in touch, but I figured he was just having a bad couple of weeks and needed space—but this is…” She trailed off, frowning, remembering something. “My coworker, the one who disappeared? He came to me claiming he had a file on Wells, saying he wasn’t the shining philanthropist we all thought he was.”

Kendra raised her eyebrows, suspicious. “How long after that did he disappear, exactly?”

“Like, the next day. I can’t believe I didn’t put it together before now, this is first grade journalism that I’m failing here.”

The two women tossed around various suspicions and theories, none really seeming to click with all the information they had.

“You know what sucks?” Iris asked.

“What?”

“We—“ She pointed back and forth between herself and Kendra—“Are smart ass women. We are being deliberately lied to and kept out of things that are clearly life-threatening and they are all equally terrible about hiding it—well, my dad’s actually pretty good,” she amended. “I’m just better. And we’re going to go looking into it blind and you know, maybe that could get us hurt! Maybe we could get killed because we go looking into things that we don’t know are dangerous because we want to know what’s so dangerous!”

“Except we won’t,” Kendra cut it. “Because you’re right: we are better. We are better than what they think we’re capable of. We’re better than their doubts. And we’re going to be careful, we’re going to be smart, and we’re going to figure this out.”

Iris smiled widely. “I should’ve brought you into this hunt a long time ago, girl,” she said happily, wiggling their fingertips together and giggling.

“Hey, girls,” Joe called. He and Eddie were walking through the door, Eddie’s face lighting up when he saw Iris. “What’re you two up to today?”

“Oh, nothing, Daddy. Hi, baby.” She accepted kisses on the cheek from both men, beaming. “We’ve just been chatting about work. Kendra’s going to be helping me with a story.”

“Oh?” Joe asked. “What kind of story?”

Kendra smiled, exchanging a knowing glance with Iris. “One that’ll save lives.”

That night, Iris Skyped Kendra, curling up on her couch with a stack of books and papers next to her. The light was so low they barely could make out each other’s faces from the pixelated darkness.

“ _So, I’ve been looking into meta-human sightings, making a timeline of when and where each one happened in relation to S.T.A.R. Labs_ ,” Kendra said, looking at something on the screen instead of at the camera.

“Woah, woah, wait. You do realize we’re looking into Wells, not metas?”

Kendra frowned. “ _The metas are part of what Wells has been up to. They has to be. He made the thing that made them, Iris… That can’t be a coincidence._ ”

She had a point.

“Well, if he created the metas on purpose, why? And if he didn’t, he might still be using them in some way—maybe he has connections with some of them? I mean, isn’t it odd we’ve never heard about the Flash saving him from angry metas? Like, wouldn’t at least one come after him for revenge?”

“ _I know it would totally be an uncool law to break, but could you—_ “

“Look into my dad’s arrests to see if he’s taken anyone in for going after Harrison Wells?” Iris finished. “I’ve been through some of them, looking for clues for what he could be hiding from me, but nothing stood out. Besides, CCPD hasn’t been arresting metas; they’ve all been disappearing.”

Huh.

“The only superhero that’s actively apprehending people with powers is the Flash,” Iris said slowly, tapping a pen against her lips. “Either there’s a super-secret CCPD jail or something that the public hasn’t caught wind of, or—“

“ _The Flash is locking them up somewhere._ ”

In the end, they went two routes. Kendra would focus on finding somewhere capable of holding at least five meta-human prisoners, while Iris would look into possible metas who might have a connection to Harrison Wells.

Iris spent hours doing journalistic work, forcing herself to focus on _work_ when she was at work and making sure that she didn’t lose her job over finding out the truth. A part of her wanted to publish what she found, but she remembered Kendra’s face when she described how Cisco woke up screaming every night, refusing to say whatever it was that he saw that scared him so badly. She thought of her coworker who disappeared without a trace, apparently abandoning his story to go live in the tropics.

She thought of her dad and Barry and Eddie, who all were in the thick of it, who all were looking warier and pinched around the edges, like a towel that dried all twisted up and was forced to flatten.

It was best that she figure out whatever this was before she even thought about drafting an article up.

Her list of suspected meta-humans was short. Her list of suspected meta-humans with direct connections to Doctor Wells was even shorter. Half of the people she wanted to look into were either dead or missing.

One name stood out.

“Hartley Rathaway,” she muttered, analyzing a picture of him she’d saved to her phone. After he’d been rather publicly disowned by his parents when it came out that he was gay, he’d worked for Doctor Wells before he’d been fired over—and that’s where it got murky—a creative disagreement. They apparently had gotten into a fight sometime before the particle accelerator was finished.

However, he was just as much of a ghost story as the captured metas. He didn’t have anything in his name, he didn’t have any active social media accounts. The other metas that she looked into fell flat, though a couple of them did actually turn out to be metas (thankfully they were friendly when she explained she was looking into a potential killer).

Hartley Rathaway was her best remaining lead.

The only people she knew that she could ask were Caitlin and Cisco, but she wasn’t about to ask. What she’d found of his personnel files, he wasn’t exactly friendly, and she didn’t imagine they wouldn’t be suspicious if she came sniffing around about an ex-coworker.

In the end, Iris reviewed hours of cell phone video of various metas, trying to get a clear shot of their face or of anything else she could use to identify more metas to talk to. She looked at dozens of different meta attacks before she found him

“Got you,” she breathed, grinning wildly.

The extremely pixelated screenshot wasn’t much to go on, but she’d been staring at his face for hours trying to figure him out. He was wearing some kind of gauntlets and a hoodie covered half of his face, but she knew.

“The Pied Piper.”

And after that, it was a matter of time before she got kidnapped.

In. Broad. Daylight.

To be fair, she gave it all she got, but the man who grabbed her was strong. She landed a couple of good core shots and almost took out his knee, but this guy was a tank. He held her in a tight chokehold until she got too dizzy to stand and tied her up, put a bag over her head, and dragged her into a car.

When they ripped the bag off of her head, her head had cleared. She was sitting on a chair, but wasn’t tied to it. The only restraints were around her hands and feet. She glared at the three people standing around her.

“Mick,” the man on the left drawled, “what is this?”

Mick, the man who kidnapped her, shrugged. “She was asking about the kid. I figured you’d want to talk to her. You’re welcome.” He thundered off, clearly uninterested in the results.

The other person, a woman with curly brown hair and a sharp smile, looked her over. “Well, you did say you didn’t want people stirring up a ruckus before we were ready for it, Lenny.”

And suddenly, Iris was acutely aware of where she was and who she was with.

“Leonard Snart.” It was a question. Iris’s gaze slid back to the woman, who smirked. “And you’re—“

“Lisa,” she purred. “Lisa Snart.”

Leonard, who suddenly looked less annoyed and more amused, said, “Lisa, sis, would you mind giving me and this young woman the room?”

Lisa mock-pouted for a second, then laughed. “Catch you later, gorgeous. Don’t be too rough on her, Lenny.”

Her heels clicked, echoing as she left. Iris and Leonard stared at each other, her defiant, him impassive.

“Iris West.” He said it so softly she almost didn’t hear it.

She startled. “How do you know my—“

“Name?” He laughed coldly, and she swallowed down on the fear that’d been trying to crawl up to panic in her throat since she’d been nabbed. “I know a lot of things. The question is,” he cocked his head, face flat and calculating like all the expression had just slid off, “what do you know?”

Iris stared at him, confused. “If it’s about Hartley Rathaway, I—“

He cut her off, waving a hand. “No, no, although we will be getting to that later.” He grabbed a chair and pulled it over to where she was perched on her chair, sitting almost gracefully and folding his hands. “I’m talking about the Flash.”

Iris relaxed almost imperceptibly. Her blog, of course. She’d completely forgotten in her panic that she’d even put her name out there. A small Barry-like voice wondered if she’d be in this predicament if she’d listened to her father about the dangers of looking into him, but she squashed it ruthlessly.

“Everything I know about the Flash is on my blog. No new insider info. Sorry to disappoint.”

Leonard’s eyes scrutinized her face. “Interesting.”

Her damn curiosity got the best of her. “What’s interesting?”

Leonard just smile enigmatically. “Nothing, Iris West. Now, what exactly are you doing looking for Hartley Rathaway?”

The change of topic almost caught her off guard. “That’s between him and I. I’m not working for the police or the Flash, if you were wondering.”

“I didn’t think you were.” Leonard considered her. “He’s not in right now, but I’m sure I can leave a message.”

Iris frantically tried to think of the best way she could frame it without possibly giving away what she was looking into, but it turns out, it didn’t matter.

“Well, well, well. It’s Cisco’s other girlfriend.”

Leonard frowned at the lounging figure in the doorway. It was definitely Hartley, but he looked better than he had in his staff picture or any family photos she found. His face held color, and the bags under his eyes were lighter. His eyes held a mischievous spark.

“Hartley…”

Hartley waved away Leonard’s icy warning. “It’s alright, boss. Like I said. Cisco’s girlfriend.”

Rather than escalate, Leonard rolled his eyes. Iris was shocked that he seemed so at ease with the disregard his underling had shown him.

“I’ll be in the hall.”

Hartley sauntered over after his boss had closed the door behind him, grabbing the empty chair by its back and flipping it around to straddle it backwards, leaning his chin against his folded arms.

“Sorry about the rough treatment,” Hartley said, and she thought for a second he might be being sincere. “Micky and Lenny get kind of over-protective sometimes.”

“I’m sure.”

“So,” Hartley asked, grinning roguishly and wiggling his eyebrows, “Did you come to talk about Cisco or about something else? Hint: I’d much rather talk about Cisco.”

It certainly wasn’t what she’d expected. In fact, this whole encounter had been rather bewildering. She found she wasn’t even scared anymore, despite the fact that she was definitely still in the (a?) lair of at least four supervillains.

“It’s sort of about Cisco, but not in a fun way.”

Hartley frowned, sitting up straighter. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I think he’s in danger. Possibly from your old boss, Harrison Wells.”

Hartley’s face got deadly serious. “This isn’t going to be a short conversation, is it?”

Iris shook her head.

Sighing, Hartley stood and pulling a knife out from the underside of the chair. Iris didn’t even flinch at the sight of it in his hands, but she did wonder about where he found it. Hartley cut her restraints and tucked the knife back under the chair.

“Stay here.” He left the room, having a muted conversation with Leonard in the hall and then two pairs of footsteps padded away. Part of her wondered if she should make a break for it.

She needn’t have worried.

Hartley came back with Lisa in tow. Lisa too had dropped her playful persona, looking serious.

“You need back up, you call, okay?” Lisa told Hartley sternly. He nodded tightly. She handed him a soft-looking black sleep mask. “Don’t worry,” she added to Iris, winking, “it hasn’t been used for anything kinky.”

Iris was saved from fighting to not roll her eyes by Hartley helping her secure the mask over her eyes.

“Can’t be having one of CCPN’s finest with insider info on the Rogues’ lair,” he murmured jokingly.

They walked slowly out of the “lair”, Hartley guiding her gently, and down some stairs, and into a sweet smelling car.

“Pretend to be asleep,” Hartley instructed, and Iris complied, for some reason trusting this complete stranger not to dump her into a lake. Maybe it was the way he looked when she mentioned Cisco. Maybe it was blind trust. Maybe she was losing her edge. Maybe she was on the edge of hysteria.

Who honestly knew at that point.

When Hartley finally parked the car and let her know she could take the mask off, Iris had honestly dozed off a little. All the late nights juggling her hunt for answers with her job and her boyfriend were taxing, and she felt guilty and a little ashamed for letting her guard down.

The sun was bright and harsh against her eyes. She blinked, eyes watering.

“Where are we?”

They were in a side of town she wasn’t familiar with. It was too far from her apartment or work, but still in the main part of the city, not sprawling into the suburbs she’d grown up in. The buildings were older and less well-kept, but there was a spark of life that the sleek mirrored glass buildings the richer parts of Central City lacked.

“We’re out of his immediate range.” Hartley didn’t elaborate, and it spoke of Iris’s one track mind of late that she didn’t need him too. “I never frequented these areas when I worked at S.T.A.R. Labs and no one in your… group does either.”

The two walked into a little German restaurant, taking the corner table and ordering coffees. Hartley rattled something off in German, smiling at the waitress endearingly. The waitress rolled her eyes and patted Hartley’s face, taking their unopened menus back and nodding to Iris.

“She doesn’t like customers who come without trying her sister’s cooking,” Hartley explained in a low voice. “I was promising I’d bring you back some other time.”

Iris nodded, unsure of why he was bothering with all of this but going with it anyway. It was just the kind of day she’d been having.

“Anyway,” Hartley said, checking the door casually, “you said you think Cisco’s in danger from Wells. I’m not surprised, but why are you coming to me?”

“Cisco’s girlfriend came to me, saying he’d been having nightmares.” True. “Cisco refuses to leave or say exactly what’s up, so she and I are figuring it out on our own.” True. “You were one of the few people that worked at a similar level interpersonally as Cisco currently is, and I recognized you when researching metas for an article and put two and two together.” Mostly false.

Hartley didn’t question it openly if he had suspicions about her story.

“If Wells’ is half as emotionally manipulative with Cisco as he was with me, Cisco’s in even more trouble than you can imagine.” Hartley thanked their waitress when she set their coffees down. Sipping at his black coffee, he added, “And he’s capable of a lot worse than I ever expected.”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

Hartley snorted. “Oh, you know. Same ol’, same ol’. You warn your boss and trusted mentor that his big beautiful particle accelerator that he’s been spending 15 years building has a critical flaw in it that will cause it to fail and explode, and rather than giving you a raise, he fires you and then slanders your name so much that you can’t get a job in the scientific community even after his company crashes and burns like the particle accelerator.”

Iris just stared, blinking slowly. “ _What_?”

“You heard me.”

“You—Wells, he—he _knew_ about the flaw? Why would he—“

“I thought it was hubris at first. Hubris, allowing such a brilliant man to overlook such a glaring flaw in the system to try and achieve his dreams.” Hartley laughed hollowly. “I know now that whatever the reason was had to be more nefarious.”

Iris held her head in her hands, staring blankly at the table. Her head was spinning. That lightning struck Barry, then Wells brought him in. But Wells knew about the flaw. Was it guilt? Was it some performative self-flagellating intended to win back public favor? No, no, he hadn’t requested any interviews and Barry would’ve wanted her to be the one to write it—

“You’re over-thinking it, Iris.” Hartley’s face swam for a moment when she looked up; her eyes had watered from being unfocused. “Wells’ doesn’t have a conscience. He didn’t _want_ it to work, which means he wanted it to fail. What emerged from the failure?” He gestured to himself.

“Meta-humans,” Iris muttered, barely aware that she was saying it. She shook herself. Focus, Iris. “What would he want from the metas? What does he gain from all the chaos?”

Hartley sighed. “And that’s where my knowledge ends, Iris. I know little more than you do about Wells’ motivations.”

Iris sensed a 'but'.

“But he is involved in another probably related secret. And I could tell you what it is. You’ll kick yourself, really; I looked all of you up before I attacked S.T.A.R. Labs—long story—and I was honestly shocked to not see any evidence of you there.”

Iris frowned. “At S.T.A.R. Labs? Why--?”

Hartley shrugged, smirking. “I’d suggest pressing dear Doctor Snow about the Burning Man first.” At that, he threw a ten on the table and stood. “Remember to call a cab when you’re ready to go home. Sorry again about the hassle. I wouldn’t suggest coming my way for more answers, though.” And he left, the bell jingling as it closed behind him.

Iris stayed in the booth, sipping at her coffee absently, just thinking, as if staying in the booth would help her glean more from the scraps Hartley had given her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldnt resist bringing in my twink son! ik he probably doesnt speak german in canon but this is my swamp and i love the polyglot boy :) 
> 
> talk to me about the girls pulling a nancy-drew at doctorlightwood.tumblr.com


End file.
